held hostage

Hello friends and family ...
Hubbies computer is mostly dead .... mine is being held hostage by a virus..
So till we have the funds to get them fixed it will be hit and miss... i'm at our wonderful library ...
 the keyboards are crazy ...
 just wanted y'all to know we love you and God Bless!
 Onyx~Rose and kare

Happy Onyx- Rose Day!

 

 

26)She speaks with wisdom,

and faithful instruction

is on her tongue.

***

29) "Many women do noble things,

but you surpass them all."

Proverbs 31: 26, 29

 

Thank you

 Onyx-Rose

for being

our

Proverbs 31

Mother

we

LOVE

You

 

Truely

 

Dear.

 

So much love from:

The one

born into your heart 

 

and

the one 

you welcomed

in. 

 

<3

 

eternal,

 

*kare & Bill*

 

 



may day, may day

Onyx lost her
Brother
in May.

Those closest to him decided Not to post any meaningful words in his Obituary.

So his entire life is summed up by the tiny dash

(     -     )

between his birth and his death.

This breaks my heart.

He meant something to more people

 than just me,

i know.

i will write more about him someday,

perhaps Onyx will,

but right now

 thinking about him makes me
cry.

His name was

Richard

He was

a Son

a Brother

a Veteran

(      -      )

God Speed

Uncle

*

How sweet it is

i asked Onyx-Rose if she would like to join me in her blog

& so this is

for Mothers Day

***

Hello World,

This is Onyx-Rose, making a debut.

Turning 79 years old (this past April 6).

I have been rather floundering,

 no way to go out.

Movies are a thing of the past.

No dog to walk.

Can't see to crochet.

O.K.

That's enough!

I have a kitty to snuggle.

I have two daughters living close by:

Rita, an angel,

and Rhonda, a 55 year old Beautiful Mother of 4.

I have karen in Ariz, whom is my heart string and phone pal.

How can I feel lost?

I can't.

And as John Denver sings,

"How sweet it is to Love"

"How right it is to care"

It IS right to care but

we must care first for our personal existance

 ..Eh?

For now -

"Love"

"Care"

Onyx-Rose

in

True Northern California.

***

Happy Mothers

Day!

i love you Mom.

<3



So it seemed

There was a time,

a

place.

Another baby was on the way.

She was tired,

Too many Babies

Too much confusion

Too much Grief

No relief.

She had wanted to wait

always to wait

to catch her breath.

Catch up with the little ones already at her frayed nerves

and feet.

There was no time

no mercy,

so it seemed.

Where was the helper

the Holy One

her strength

her Grace

her Peace?

She felt alone

in a house full of

bodies...

little noisy

bouncy

bodies!

She tried to do what desperate ones do

to remove the burden

from her body

on her own,

As she cried

all alone,

so

 it seemed.

*

She told me the other day :

"Please tell the others,

Mothers to be...

Please keep your Babies

close to your heart.

Don't

give up.

Don't give In...

no matter How alone you feel!

Be merciful to Yourself

to your beautiful little child.

Who will shine

 like a Star into your life

and breath

sweet blessings

to your

every

waking

hour."

"You Are Not

Alone!"

&

"God is Good."

Hope Like A Stranger

If there were one thing Onyx~Rose would share with the world

it would be

*

:

..  .. .. .. ..

:

:

:

HOPE



Her Most Favorite = Easter Song !

Love is Calling

Many Happy Returns

Onyx & her "Bill~Pill"

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

ONYX~ROSE!

WE ADORE

YOU!

LOVE

ALWAYS,

YOUR DAUGHTER

kare 

 YOUR FAVORITE

 "PILL" 
Bill

&

YOUR EVER

LUV'N

(2008/?) AbbyNorma EATing her 1st Easter basket

ABBY BUNNY!

The Breaking of The Dawn

If you don't know Fernando Ortega...

you should.

 Many times i have listened to his words and felt as though we were living a parallel life.

This song in particular.

There's a slow train pulling through the desert
the colored cars pass quietly from sight
between the highway and the long horizon
precious dreams wind away with the light

My brothers and my sisters faces linger
 the hours of our childhood, grave and gold
driving through these solitary places
memories of their gentle kinship
touch my soul

The hawk wheels away as we pass here
the clouds billow up and fly on
Down the road some hard turns
are going to shake us
ride with us through the breaking of the dawn

i worry for my loving Mother
the dimming years
the trials she has known
her heart so kind and weary
keep her safe one more night
til i get home

How i long to be right there beside her
and bring everything back to before
we'll arrive with the first light of the morning
 keep her safe
 let me hold her once more

The sage and the Joshua tree remind me
 of the miles to go
the journey that we're on
in the still, sweet air of the desert
we will ride
Through the breaking of the dawn.

~Fernando Ortega~



 

Silver strand

Silver strand beach

Some of my favorite memories were of times on the beach in SanDiego.

The Silver Strand being one of the best, "back in the day".

We camped right next to the shore.

Such sweetness to fall asleep to the sound of surf; the scent of salt-sea air on balmy breezes.

We had those big floppy tie-down hats and cool Hollywood glasses,

too big of course but required Sunwear for us 'Coppertone' girls.
We looked like a bunch of wanna be starlets.
Oh Yes...Coppertone Was on board.
We even used The old fashioned scented Woolite just for our delicate swimwear...Dahling!
Woolite & Coppertone: The Scent of the Beach.

The boys didn't have such fashionable hats but we all had that timeless footwear

Flip-flops,

Zorries

or what we innocently called them....

"Thongs" ;0

Where did the innocence go??
 Friends often camped along with us,
together we would collect drift wood along the shore.
The evening would wind down with a nice bon-fire
to warm our sandy toes
Marshmallows
Hot Cocoa
to warm our exhausted, happy belly's.
Our trusty V.W. bus with pop-up tent made for peaceful dreams lulled by tidal drift. 

i don't think Onyx ever went anywhere
without a passel load of kids in that funny bus, 
it was my favorite family rig. 
One of my sisters even brought her pet mice on our camp outs;
a White and a Black one ...Minnie and ???
...i can't remember... but it wasn't Mickey.


i don't think children understand just how patient and unusually tolerant our parents are ... until We look back and take inventory of all those journeys... and all the paths we drag them along on in our hurry to do and see and go, go, go ..

"ARE WE THERE YET???"

Thanks for the days at the beach
Onyx-Rose

They were lovely!

Welcome

Talked to Onyx-Rose last night and told her she has 2 more  'followers'

 than i do at iznaabugg..

This tickled her ... i could tell by her giggle.

So .. because Blogger still won't let me answer on the comments i wanted to say

Welcome...

And Thank You for joining in on her story...

 There's more to come ..

The last couple months have been a bit tough for me sharing her story

i do not live near her at this time and miss her very much.

You see
 Never in my life
 did i think we'd be so far apart

 as this...
 i always expected she'd be close,
even living with us in her later years.

She did live with my Husband and i for a very short year
when she had Knee replacement surgery
 a few years ago...

we expected her to stay with us.

but things don't always go the way we hope they will ...
or think they should.

Being the Mother of 7
 Onyx has many options of where to live.
At this time she is reveling in the love and friendship of 2 daughters
 and her grandchildren in a small mountain town.

She is completely in Awe of these truly lovely,
Angelic beings.

i struggle with grief from not living closer to her
and the rest of the family
but ....

life is short
isn't it.

by any other name...

"A Rose by any other name would smell Just as sweet...."

An Onyx-Mom-Rose

is even Sweeter!

Mom,

Thank You for being You.

For loving and raising

seven

unique individuals...

who all Love you in our own crazy ways.

You are our Saint

...Saint Rose of Onyx.

Here you are with your 

Grandma: Rose...

& Mom: Marie 

Our Rose-Marie.

Oh Rose-marie i Love you...

Our Wild Irish Rose

who loves those Yellow roses of Texas

Ramblin-Gypsie-Moss-Rose

How many Rose prose can we name for you

Sweet Rose

and still the sweetest name for our Rose is ....

Mom.

Ephesians 6:2-3
2)"Honor your father and your mother"-- which is the first command with a promise-- 3)"that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth"".
>     >
Exodus 20:12
12)"Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you.

Happy Birthday Onyx Rose !

Thank You:

 for everything You

 Are,

For 

everything 

You have done,

For 

being the

celebration

 Dance,

The Hub

of our universe,

The center your family

revolves around,

The candles,

the frosting,

The Birthday cake!

The reason we all sing ..

"Happy Birthday to You!" 

 We LOVE you Truly ...

Truly Dear!



Big Bear & Rose

Onyx sent me this and a few other Pict's she had copied so i could resume with her story with some visual aid.

Thank You Sweet one!

We were talking about her childhood and she remembered a time she and her family had been given a gift of a stay at a special little cabin spot up in the Mountains of California, a place called Big Bear.

Her Mother had been working at Convair doing her Patriotic duty as Rosey the Riveter and a friend who was a Realtor decided the family needed a treat.

So they drove the wooded roads up into the grand mountains.

Onyx remembers the little town had a bowling alley, a cafe and  "a beautiful lake".

This picture is Not Big Bear lake but ... to get an idea .. Onyx was not shy about playing in the water.

Though i bet Big Bear is a whole lot colder!

She also recalled seeing many wild deer that seemed to be as curious about their arrival as the family was of the deer. None of them ran away, instead they stopped munching and stared right back til Mom and the folks went on up the road.

One morning she awoke at sunrise to the surprise of a rather nosey deer peering in the window at her as she lay in her bed.

She called out to her Mother in excitement and the deer remained right in the garden by that window for some time.

She says they returned to Big Bear several years after that and always felt refreshed & ready to take on the world.

GOD BLESS US EVERY ONE!

MERRY CHRISTMAS ONYX-ROSE!

WE LOVE YOU!

watching over

i often look on-line to see the weather on the way to where Onyx-Rose lives.

For many years she and i traveled these Roads together. The I-5 corridor between the State of Jefferson; the True Northern California; up through the state of Oregon where we shared many adventures... road trips and just plane trips... not the drug induced kind... the kind where you fall into a Rabbit hole like Alice and wonder what land you've gotten yourself into.

Snowy, icy roads were my least favorite memories. Onyx taught me how to drive Stick shift in a '62 V.W. bug on the windy winter roads of the small Buckaroo town of Molalla. The roads to 'Dickey prairie' where we lived on the outskirts of town were nauseating and fraught with the ever present threat of sliding off into the river.

Rose was intrepid and exceedingly patient with me...she always showed confidence and never coddled me when my desire was to freak out and give up the wheel...even when both our hands were frozen and petrified by the arctic temperatures. She knew i could do it. In fact we both learned an important skill while negotiating hairpin curves heading down to town. The Bug was bottom heavy ... while we may have started the trip heading forward down-hill.. swoop, fwoop... & we were instantly heading backwards in a slippery slide.... ....slooop! schheerpslerp! 

"i say old chap were We headed up the hill or down the hill???"

Needless to say ...we learned how to drive that little Buggy backwards in a Hurry! 'Cause there was No getting it turned around till we hit flat ground down the road a couple of miles... which seemed like Hundreds and Hundreds at those times. What an absolute rush THAT was and No Drugs needed! Those were the raw 'grit of your teeth' trips that forge the kind of friendship people need in order to weather the storms life flings at us.

 i think my Sisters are now forming their own weather tight bonds with Onyx-Rose and each other as they travel these roads together between the two states... this has always been a hope of mine<3.

Even though she can no longer drive or see too well, Onyx... Mom.... can still inspire confidence and trust.. patience, in the journey mile by sometimes backward mile.. as she Watches over those she Loves so well.

Thank You for the life and driving lessons MOM... it's because of You that i knew i could learn to drive a Tractor trailer rig pulling a 53 foot trailer... forwards AND backwards  & do it well,

 Even in the worst of weather.



Thanks for giving

                                      Thank You Onyx-Rose!

Thank You for giving Joy & Love to this tribe of individuals. Each one of us holds a part of you within our hearts. Wherever we go, whatever we do, there you are.

 And Here You are with me right now. My thoughts return to all those days you went out  of your way to make celebration a part of our lives.

Thank You for feasts shared with family and friends:
 For sharing Grandpa & Grandma D. whose gardens were full of Roses and fruit tree's. Grandpa's game of "break an egg on your head"...his  menu favorites Ambrosia salad & German chocolate cake! Grandma's Irish Jig; Man could she ever cut the rug!  & her Pot Roasts ...mm mm!

 Gettin' hungry?

Thank You for Uncle D. who brought fantastic game & fish to the table, Quail, Elk, Abalone, Swordfish, Javelina (meals were never ordinary), Piggy back rides & jungle gym... a soft round belly to lean up against while watching Roller derby or Wrestling;  good for hiding eyes when those roller "babes" got scary & mean..........
............................Did he put that fuzz in his belly button just to be funny? 

Lost your appetite? (he,he)

Thank You for making sure we spent time with Dad and His side of the family too. You never kept us away from those important connections. While other families split by divorce were playing "Keep away" with the kids,  you were Making sure we had  time with All our relatives.
At Grandma R.'s little cottage We learned to love Goulash, and wonder why one tiny little lady would have all that Candy, overflowing candy dishes all over the house? It was a wonder we had an appetite for dinner after having candy dishes held out....   "Have some Candy sweetheart?" There was always a big spoon at the dinner table scooping out Goulash onto not quite empty plates, and that Lazy Susan going around in circles with a huge assortment of who knows what that 'needed' to find room on your overflowing plate!
.........................We were Love pounded with Food... squishy hugs & cheek pinches.

Thank You for driving us all the way out to the desert to be with Aunt & Uncle M. and all our cousins where we had so much fun we Were a Barrel of monkeys. We were so blessed that you and Dads Sister, Aunt M. stayed such good friends, that's the difference it makes when you share Jesus in common with others. That kind of Love is stronger than anything the world can give.

Thank You for giving us the opportunity:
* To learn how to love, to trust and be brave in new situations with new foods, places and People who matter in our lives no matter how tangled relationships might be.
*To step forward
* Go out into the unknown
*To embrace the moment and the People who love us ....

Though Thanksgiving day finds us filling our bellies with good things,
Our hearts are made Full from the memories of our loved ones who mean so much more than one person can say...
.......................................than i can adequately express in the here and now.

Although we cannot be together on this day  Onyx-Rose, i just want you to know how Thank-full i am for all that You've done, for all that You are and all You've shared with us.

With me.

Your unselfishness in sharing us with our families.... making sure we had time with loved ones no matter how difficult...or far away they were.  

Thank You for filling our lives with the things that matter: Sustenance, Affection,  Celebration, Family....  but most of all Your Love.

                                         Thank You for giving us YOU!

                                        with Love from me:

                                                       # 7 


                                                                            *kare

#1 Son

J is The first born of the tribe... though a prodigal Son ... he was not the first to leave the home, nor the last... He followed Dad who paved the way to the Big Out There where life seemed more ... that's it More... the Great Big More.

 It's what we all want isn't it? Of course there's More to that, always is. Struggle and pain in the growth cycle of the human soul is not so unusual.

J went searching for His ~More ~ in the wilderness, literally; In the surge of spiritual grasping that hi-lighted the  60's; the Age of Aquarius. 

At a certain point in life; the teenage years; Some of us tend to see ourselves as innovative and original... not so influenced by those that came before...in striking out on our own we see ourselves as shrugging off the Old moldy ideas and ways.

    The 60's were well known for this mindset. Rejecting the examples of those who came before us; Refusing to acknowledge our connectedness to history; we set out in search of something those who came before seemed not to posses... More: knowledge, spirituality, Love, Freedom, care.... Life..

Adventure....wisdom...all those things we think will fill the God shaped void that exists within our souls.
    Onyx had a fantastic library in the hill-top home all her Prodigals launched from. She was an avid researcher, a seeker. We had access to studies on Art, Philosophy, Psychology, Religion, Science, Home economics, You name it... we had the world at our fingertips and voracious little minds.
Mom tried to teach us to seek, search and dig deep ... never look at just one side of an issue even if it seems ridiculous, there IS always More than meets the eye.

      As is common with parents and their progeny, Onyx and her children did not see eye to eye on many things.  As they all marched into that arena of Independence one after the other some were not outwardly appreciative of her beliefs, though it's clear they didn't really Know what those were... Teenagers often don't find the time or desire to stop and look at their parents, see them for who they are, only that they are not welcome to be a part of this growth spurt that often includes a massive rejection of all things that come in Parental packaging.This was a particularly difficult time for Onyx, being misunderstood is a hard place to be for anyone but having so many teenagers at one long expanse of time must have seemed like the end of the world. All going off in so many ways and not wanting to be interfered with.

    So J. was the trail blazer in  this family of Prodigals & What a trail he blazed!

 In the 60's, bridges were (supposedly) meant to be burned... along with bra's and unfortunately flags and patriotism...loyalty to God and country. "Out with the old ...  in with the new." Onyx did her best to fight the fires, maintain the connections with her scattering offspring though she was in the midst of her own burning building. When we are young i don't think most of us understand that our parents are also in the process of growing up.. specially if they began having children so young themselves. We can be a bit hard on our folks, expecting them to shoulder so much burden and behave in ways we imagine they should, to never challenge our precious sense of what the world is supposed to be.. the role we expect them to fulfill in our lives.
We pigeon hole those who love us, stick them in a tiny little bubble and then disrespect and berate them when that fragile bubble is popped. Teenagers are so quick to do this... some of us never turn back and look with fresh eyes when we finally grow up, leaving a kind of limbo stuck between family members, a big blob of unresolved angst and crusted over feelings.
It's so easy for us to toss off our youthful crumbum behavior as trivial while keeping our hardened concepts of others intact... "Aah, you Know how they are" .
Thankfully Maturity brings with it the rewards of renewal and re-creation of precious relationships. The storms of life have given way to clarity seen in the blue-sky eyes of our own version of
"The Velveteen Rabbit"... Do You remember that story? One of my favorite... along with Shel Silversteens "The giving tree".
Onyx is our family's Velveteen Rabbit.. our loving, Dear, heart & soul.
She is rejoicing in the return of her Prodigal family...children And ex-husband.
Onyx and our father have talked of getting re-married after 48 years apart.
This reunion occurred while at Brother J.s  mountain cabin last Year.
A good # 1 son... Just as Onyx-Rose always said.
Thank You Johnny... for helping  the rebirth of Love.
Thank You Mom... for giving birth to this lovely human being
and re-birth to Love.
You Are Awesome!
Thank You Jesus
for giving us your heart of Love.
<3

Beauty from brokeness

    i was a newborn when Onyx Rose found herself a single parent of seven in a house far removed from her former friends and the "old neighborhood." The one consolation was that her parents were about a mile away..close enough to care and be available for support through the next years trials she would find herself in.
    The one she had chosen to marry had found someone else who was more "needy" of his time & efforts than the eight of us. The story of this other persons "Hole in her heart" would dog us for the rest of our lives. Through numerous encounters with this woman we soon understood that the hole was not In her heart but that the hole was  her heart.
i was a result of my mothers attempt to reconcile with my father. To his credit he did remain in the home til i was born, but the other woman had boldly called my mother to tell her that She was more in need of him than a mother of a newborn and her children; She was "die-ing".  One of many untruths to be dumped upon the lives of the innocent.
   After his exit from our home, My father took up the role of Santa Clause... the Easter bunny and sometimes Dracula on Halloween... the Good time Guy who took us out to Farrel's ice-cream parlor, Aunt Emma's pancake house and Bobs Big-boy. i know Mom was grateful for this attention to his children but it set up some tension within her  growing brood who needed their father more than he understood,  More than they knew how to express... but Mom did... and was met with excuses and reasons why his chosen path prohibited more engagement with his children. We heard it all the time... there was So much work to be done, money made in "The business", then we would All be together more and life would be grand; til then "Daddy's gotta run!". These sporadic indulgences and dream spinning helped set up that classic of all classics ...Good parent, Bad parent syndrome where no matter How hard my mother worked to support and care for her groaning tribe, she was the one left to discipline the kids, while Dad played Daddy Warbucks and built up our appetites for the good things Mom could not afford as a columnist for the city paper. Mom could not afford the many little things her kids wanted but supplied our needs at great expense nonetheless. We lived on Commodities...Corn meal mush, powdered milk, mystery meat..."Dog food" one Sister calls it. But Onyx made the best of it. One time she concocted a recipe for Mashed Potato Ice cream!O Yeah! it was something?? i think she asked Dad to take us to Farrel's ice-cream parlor after that.
   Any way it was hard on Onyx because our father enjoyed being the 'good parent', party guy, taking his tribe out in his 'Stinkin Lincoln', His favorite car the Lincoln Continental. i don't believe he meant any harm but it could have been easy to grow up with unrealistic expectations, thinking the world out there was one big funland...like Pinocchio was drawn into. Some of us children had the funland experience growing up... it gets hairy out there sometimes...donkey ears & all.
  How did Onyx-Rose cope? Sometimes she raged, over the pain of what was... dealing with 7 busy kids and absent partner/father, was mind blowing. Sometimes she withdrew and cried.. i remember the closed door as she sought solace from the storms.
    She picked herself up... became a teachers aid in a preschool and went back to school at night getting her degree in Early Childhood Education and half a Masters. 
    Hard as times were, she did not deprive her children of good things. She took us camping to the desert, the mountains, the beach with bonfires. We attended plays downtown at the Children's festival in Balboa park. Visited the museums, Art galleries and arboretums, the Zoo, Old town San Diego, shopped across the border in Tijuana Mexico. She provided a roof over our heads in a wondrous home with fruit trees, veggies, room to stretch out away from the hustle of the world, dirt to walk barefoot, a pool to cool ourselves, Sun to grow beneath. Music to educate our minds: Herb Alpert and the Tijuana brass, John Gary, Roger Miller, Rachmaninoff, Strauss, Stevie Wonder, The Coasters, Judy Collins, Jose Feliciano, Pete Seeger, The Clancy brothers and Johnny Makem, Johnny Cash and more...she tried to expose us to all kinds of Cultures, and herself was always researching and learning right along with us.

Though her heart was broken in many pieces she did her best to hold her family together under her wings of Love.