my Mother, My Friend

Saturday, October 16, 2010

#1 Son

J is The first born of the tribe... though a prodigal Son ... he was not the first to leave the home, nor the last... He followed Dad who paved the way to the Big Out There where life seemed more ... that's it More... the Great Big More.
 It's what we all want isn't it? Of course there's More to that, always is. Struggle and pain in the growth cycle of the human soul is not so unusual.
J went searching for His ~More ~ in the wilderness, literally; In the surge of spiritual grasping that hi-lighted the  60's; the Age of Aquarius. 
At a certain point in life; the teenage years; Some of us tend to see ourselves as innovative and original... not so influenced by those that came striking out on our own we see ourselves as shrugging off the Old moldy ideas and ways.
    The 60's were well known for this mindset. Rejecting the examples of those who came before us; Refusing to acknowledge our connectedness to history; we set out in search of something those who came before seemed not to posses... More: knowledge, spirituality, Love, Freedom, care.... Life..
Adventure....wisdom...all those things we think will fill the God shaped void that exists within our souls.
    Onyx had a fantastic library in the hill-top home all her Prodigals launched from. She was an avid researcher, a seeker. We had access to studies on Art, Philosophy, Psychology, Religion, Science, Home economics, You name it... we had the world at our fingertips and voracious little minds.
Mom tried to teach us to seek, search and dig deep ... never look at just one side of an issue even if it seems ridiculous, there IS always More than meets the eye.
      As is common with parents and their progeny, Onyx and her children did not see eye to eye on many things.  As they all marched into that arena of Independence one after the other some were not outwardly appreciative of her beliefs, though it's clear they didn't really Know what those were... Teenagers often don't find the time or desire to stop and look at their parents, see them for who they are, only that they are not welcome to be a part of this growth spurt that often includes a massive rejection of all things that come in Parental packaging.This was a particularly difficult time for Onyx, being misunderstood is a hard place to be for anyone but having so many teenagers at one long expanse of time must have seemed like the end of the world. All going off in so many ways and not wanting to be interfered with.
    So J. was the trail blazer in  this family of Prodigals & What a trail he blazed!
 In the 60's, bridges were (supposedly) meant to be burned... along with bra's and unfortunately flags and patriotism...loyalty to God and country. "Out with the old ...  in with the new." Onyx did her best to fight the fires, maintain the connections with her scattering offspring though she was in the midst of her own burning building. When we are young i don't think most of us understand that our parents are also in the process of growing up.. specially if they began having children so young themselves. We can be a bit hard on our folks, expecting them to shoulder so much burden and behave in ways we imagine they should, to never challenge our precious sense of what the world is supposed to be.. the role we expect them to fulfill in our lives.
We pigeon hole those who love us, stick them in a tiny little bubble and then disrespect and berate them when that fragile bubble is popped. Teenagers are so quick to do this... some of us never turn back and look with fresh eyes when we finally grow up, leaving a kind of limbo stuck between family members, a big blob of unresolved angst and crusted over feelings.
It's so easy for us to toss off our youthful crumbum behavior as trivial while keeping our hardened concepts of others intact... "Aah, you Know how they are" .
Thankfully Maturity brings with it the rewards of renewal and re-creation of precious relationships. The storms of life have given way to clarity seen in the blue-sky eyes of our own version of
"The Velveteen Rabbit"... Do You remember that story? One of my favorite... along with Shel Silversteens "The giving tree".
Onyx is our family's Velveteen Rabbit.. our loving, Dear, heart & soul.
She is rejoicing in the return of her Prodigal family...children And ex-husband.
Onyx and our father have talked of getting re-married after 48 years apart.
This reunion occurred while at Brother J.s  mountain cabin last Year.
A good # 1 son... Just as Onyx-Rose always said.
Thank You Johnny... for helping  the rebirth of Love.
Thank You Mom... for giving birth to this lovely human being
and re-birth to Love.
You Are Awesome!
Thank You Jesus
for giving us your heart of Love.